Traffic is one of life's many obstacles, like paedophiles or Ryle Nugent. It's also a fantastic place to observe society and the creatures that dwell within in it.
You see traffic really has nothing to do with cars and EVERYTHING to do with people, the reason there's traffic in the first place is because the local councillor or town planner was probably too busy murdering a small family in the Ukraine to be bothered with something like traffic congestion. What happens when a new roundabout gets put in or a new set of traffic lights? Exactly the traffic gets worse, how has this not occurred to whoever the fuck is in charge of traffic in Ireland. When has this ever worked? They might as well have a pizza box in charge of regulating traffic flow.
Next time you’re in traffic take a look around at all the other window lickers trapped in a sea of automotive incompetence, there’s an immense amount of emotions on display, you’ve got the complete and utter psychopath who’s clearly lost his mind because he’s 3 and a half minutes late for his “Rageaholics Anonymous” meetings, you know, because he’s addicted to “Rageahol”. He sits there in his car plotting the slow and painful deaths of all that dwell in the cars around him for the simple reason that he blames you for the traffic, even if you’re in the car behind him, it’s still your fault. And God help you if you happen to make eye contact with this Dark Lord of the Traffic Jam, because all his hate and rage will now be focused on you and don’t be surprised for one second if he follows you home and stalks you for weeks before eventually killing you and disposing of your remains by means of his pig farm. Then of course you have the panic ridden old dears stuck in the jam who look like they’ve just found out they have been diagnosed with Ebola. They’re so over whelmed with fear and desperation because they’ve either forgotten to cook a meal for their hubby or they’ve left their horrible little brats with some poor eastern European prostitute moonlighting as a child minder.
In traffic you can also tell a lot about the people inside of the cars by what car they happen to be in. There’s the socially conscience “Vegetarian” in her hybrid car, a Toyota Prius or some such nonsense, lording it over the rest of us, with that smug look on her face, that you just want to slap off with a dead fish. There’s also the “Yummy Mummy” in her 8.5 litre SUV that her husband bought her, the same SUV that actually kills a polar bear and a baby seal every time you turn the key in the ignition and the only reason her husband bought it for was to make her feel safe, it might very well make her feel safe but it sure as hell scares the shit out all of us. Putting on lipstick and texting all while operating a fucking Panzer is one way to scare the living fuck out of each and every other road user. Then of course you have the “Boy Racers” in their shitty 200 year old Fiesta’s with 38 inch “rims” and then there’s their most heinous crime those mind numbingly loud exhausts that deafen small children and kill small woodland creatures, it’s a crime that in my opinion should be punishable by public castration and a hot lead enema.
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